My baby is a year old now, and looking back I feel relieved, nostalgic, and even a bit sentimental. I know many people say they wouldn’t wish to change a thing no matter how hard the experience. But, I wish I had known a few things, was told a few things, was educated, and guided by those who had shared the same experience. I could’ve been at least a little prepared if I had known.
Our beloved mothers, sisters, or friends do tell us what our 40 weeks of pregnancy will be like, they don’t forget to mention the horrors of labor and birth, yet they do not communicate the most important phase that is to follow, postpartum.
We might think that having a child comes with so much joy that it will overshadow the pain, the truth is, the pain is as big as the joy and although the joy weighs heavier on the scale, the pain is still felt. It is an isolating feeling, unexplainable to someone who hasn’t experienced it. In this blog, I will speak of the emotional and physical turmoil of postpartum. I certainly do not intend to frighten or demotivate you, the purpose of sharing this information is simply to educate. We as women know that we are capable of doing anything, and if you’ve survived 40 weeks of pregnancy and many hours of labor, then let me tell you, you are capable of doing anything.
You can, but you don’t have to all alone.
Having a baby will change you physically, emotionally, and mentally. There is no returning to who you once were because you no longer are that person. You are a mother now, and although it may take some time for that to sink in, it eventually will. The physical exhaustion of many months, the suffering of labor, the aftermath of delivery, and finally a small human being you have to take care of, life becomes more overwhelming than you expected.
In such a situation, the only understanding that can come from anyone is assistance. Verbal consolation is meaningless, verbal support aided by physical help is what is required of those around you. I hope every mother gets the help she needs, and if she doesn’t, I hope she carries herself with the unending strength she has inside of her. With that said, don’t hesitate to ask for help.
I don’t feel like myself…
When you look at your body in the mirror, you will belittle yourself, it is something we all do, magnify our perceived flaws. It’s important you know that you fought a battle, the bruises are a mark of your strength. No warrior looks at herself and shames her battle scars, they are to be carried with pride. This is something I told myself again and again. Its okay if I have stretch marks or loose skin or saggy breasts, its okay because I am remarkable, my body has endured so much. But then again there are days you will feel completely detached, out of touch, like a complete failure. It may happen when your baby refuses to latch, or when the colic pain disturbs his sleep, or when his tummy keeps bothering him. When you witness the painful cry of your child, you will question yourself without mercy, you will judge yourself without any empathy, and without any evidence, you will pass yourself as guilty.
My child is 1 year old now, I can tell you with certainty,thatit’s simply a difficult phase and it will pass. You don’t have to rush anything, there’s no bouncing back, there’s only moving forward, a little every day. Eventually, all things will fall into place by the time your baby is 6 months of age, it won’t be perfect, but you’ll get the hang of it. Until then, don’t pressure yourself to go back to normal, don’t be your own worst critic.
I can’t do this anymore.
It’s normal to feel exhausted, after all, you didn’t get any time to catch a breath, or to take a break. Your baby needs you all day and sometimes the realization that you are now supposed to care than to be taken care of may break your heart a little. The thought that your physical suffering isn’t as important as your child’s needs will be a difficult concept to grasp. But let me tell you this, it will teach you a new kind of sacrifice, and when I said that having a baby will change you, let me rephrase: you will give birth to a new life, but you will also be reborn. It’s not going to be simple, but just as your body makes room for a new soul, your heart will expand and make room for a new kind of love. Depressive thoughts, self-doubt, and anxiety will dominate your life for the first few months, but then again, you can’t have flowers without rain.
Just when I thought it was all over, it actually began.
I still remember the relief after labor, a weight was lifted off my body, and I was free again. My body was returned to me. The most shocking part of postpartum for me was coming to terms with the realization that Phase 1 was over, Phase 2 had immediately started and I was completely unaware, unprepared. I saw many videos of influencers sharing their unrealistic experience, what to pack in your hospital bag, what items you need postpartum etc. let me clarify this. The only items you need in your hospital bag are a bottle for your baby, laniol cream, a few humongous pads, 2-3 baby clothes, a baby swaddle, a pump (optional), diapers, and lastly a blanket and a few clothes for your husband. That’s it. In simpler words, influencers aren’t always being truthful, the movies over-dramatize labor and another’s experience isn’t going to resemble your own. Nonetheless, the phase that follows is very important, just as tiring, you will need lots of help.
Good luck, you can do this!
It is a one-of-a-kind experience, it comes to pass quickly, but it will teach you many new things, and you’ll be grateful for it all. I’m sure that if asked to go through it all over again just for my baby, I would. That’s the beauty of it all, a pain so great, giving birth to a joy even greater.
